Love.  That's what most people in the world really want, probably all of us if we're honest with ourselves.  Everybody wants it, so few seem to get it, except for brief moments.  Those moments seem to be enough to keep everybody going, though.  I have a bit of a weird perspective on this, being somewhat of a late bloomer; it wasn't until I was 26 that I experienced a real, serious love affair.  It was all brief, unsatisfying stuff before that.  Didn't even kiss anybody until I was 23. (OK, I admit it, I'm kind of a geek, we tend to be a bit slower about these things. ;})  But I do think I have something to say, some hard-earned lessons to share that some people seem not to have understood.  The biggest and starkest one is this: love doesn't last, at least not the kind of love we in this society seem to think we're looking for.  That sudden bloom of passion, that feeling that all is right with the world and nothing is impossible, that you've found happiness forever, all this is definitely real and most of us have experienced it.  Those that say this is false and fake may have a point, but that doesn't mean that falling in love is bad.  As I'm sure many of you can attest, the feelings are quite real; it's just that they have a way of evaporating after a while.

     Our first crushes usually end quickly in embarrassment and pain, but eventually it gets a bit easier.  I know one lucky couple who pretty much grew up together, were high-school sweethearts, got married three years into college, and are still together.  That's rare and I'm damn envious of them.  That doesn't mean they have it easy, though.  They fight just as much as any other couple I know.  Even when we find someone that we think we may have a future with, it isn't going to be easy.  The deepest and most passionate love does not automatically guarantee happiness in the long term.  The feelings pass.  Face it, they do.  Even if you're in the midst of the truest romance you ever dreamed of, the kind you only thoght happened in the movies, it'll come to an end.  Movie type romances do happen in real life; but only in the movies do they last forever.  If you think yours is different you're in for a really rude shock.  The person who was the sun of your world, who could do no wrong and would always be there for you and make you happy, that person will one day do something that really pisses you off (or you will to them) and you'll have a big fight and be left wondering where the hell the magic went.  Maybe you'll have a great reconciliation, and go on as before for awhile, but then something else will happen, maybe only something small, and you'll start wondering again.  Eventually things may get pretty cold between you and you may feel like giving up.  As far as I can tell, this will happen to any couple eventually, either by a harsh crash or slow cooling.  You'll probably come to some painful new realizations about what your lover is really like (and, if you have any self-awareness at all, about what you yourself are like.)  It'll probably seem hopeless, time to look for somebody else.  How depressing.  But wait!  Sure, it seems like the magic is gone, but here's the secret: only the easy, effortless part of it is.  Now comes the real work.  This is the part I don't have much personal experience with, unfortunately.  But if you both really want to, if you find something in yourselves that you don't want to lose, even if it seems hopeless, you can find a way.  This is the hardest time of all, but if you both search your souls and decide to really commit to each other and put the work into it, it can work.  I wish we could have gotten to this point in my last relationship, but we didn't.  Maybe it could've still worked, but there were too many strikes against it.

     The lesson here is that when it's gone it's gone.  Don't mope around or keep chasing them.  Sure, it's OK to be depressed, in fact it's almost bound to happen.  Don't kill yourself, though.  Try and keep up a friendship if you can, tho of course it won't always work. --- but what if its not gone? how to tell?

     OK, the real point is that it's a decision.  Staying together is a choice you both have to make, and once you make it, you have to keep on making it, sometimes minute by minute.  That's what commitment is... choosing to stay with someone even though you hate their guts at the moment.  If you do it, and manage to keep the lines of communication open, things will get better again.  I've heard it gets easier over time, but I can't say for sure.

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